My mate was having an extension done on his house. One day,
the builder doesn't show up. Late morning, his son pops round. "Sorry, my dad's
ill. He's at home in bed with food poisoning, and won't be in for a few
days."
A few days later, my mate gives the builder a call. The
builders answers on a very bad line with what sound suspiciously like seagulls
in the background. As soon as he realises my mate is calling, he puts on a
croaky voice.
"Sorry mate, I'm at death's door. Won't be in for a few more
days yet."
This pattern repeats itself for a few weeks.
Finally, the builder reappears with a very fine tan.
"So you're trying to kid me that you've been in bed sick for
the last month?" says my mate. "Ok, well I'm not paying you your next instalment
till you've done everything you were supposed to have done in the last
month."
"But I've paid up front for all the materials..."
"Tough."
They got there in the end, but what was really unbelievable
was that this builder was FMB registered!